The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im part way to drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
