at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
