I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
