So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
