Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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