Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
