I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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