Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
