It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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