this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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