Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
