just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
