Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
