The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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