I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
