Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
