he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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