I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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