ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there's paper in my vomit.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You can't just leave with hair like that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
