I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize