dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
