We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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