i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
