She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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