i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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