what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
