it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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