I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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