I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
