dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
