at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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