There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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