How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
