He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize