I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
