God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize