I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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