I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
