I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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