And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize