...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
