I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
