Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
