i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
