This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
