i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
