how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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