I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
