i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize