i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
