i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
