The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
