i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
