I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
