My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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