I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
