So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
