Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
