I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
