im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
