god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize