I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
