I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
