$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
