Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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