y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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