His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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