I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
