Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
