How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
