Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
