Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
