Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
