You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
