a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
