Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
