Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can I color on your dick again?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
