I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
