And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sext me about skeletons
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
