Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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