Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
