You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
