it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
