I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the liver wants what the liver wants
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize