I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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