Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it because I queefed?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
