So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
