why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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