distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize