What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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