I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
