I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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