I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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