Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
