around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
