You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
