I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
